karatofquality: (Default)
It will never cease to amaze Silas how many women gravitate toward a man once they know he's uninterested in their genital persuasion. It's as though, by being gay, he's less dangerous, less of a threat, less capable of inflicting harm.

Of course, all of those things are true of him, but his sexual preference isn't the root of it. And yet, he still hears talk of him being a "lady killer," and on the rare occasion, "it's a pity he's only interested in men."

Some things will never make sense; women's infatuation with gay men is one of them.
karatofquality: (thinking)
Two days after they met, Silas was invited to Juan Pedro's brother's church. He'd been so in need of confession and absolution and a congregational community, and this…was exactly what he'd needed. He tried to refuse dinner, but Mama Ramos, as she insisted on being called, would hear nothing of it. When he left at long last, Silas bowed his head, thanked each of them, and took his leave.

The day that he returned from London, Silas locked himself in that chapel. It was his sanctuary, quite literally, and he couldn't handle being elsewhere. He had to take twenty-four hours and spend twenty of them in the church, praying and praying and praying some more, confessing for sins he wasn't sure he'd committed. Isaac was too young to be gone. He couldn't accept it. But when his twenty-four hours were over, he thanked them both and took his leave.

Every day was thanks to the family who'd saved his eternal soul, and Silas could never forget it. He didn't say it enough, but he wouldn't ever forget. He buys dinner and drinks water rather than wine because he doesn't trust himself with the alcohol, and, as always, he gives thanks.
karatofquality: (thinking)
It’s not enough to think about how hard the road here has been, or how far he still has to walk before he can finally rest. And it certainly isn’t enough to wish that things could be different, that those lost could come back and try again, and guide him on his path.

It’s not really enough to kneel at the foot of his bed in the middle of the night with his head bowed to his Bible, praying for safe passage through life for himself and those he loves, praying for forgiveness, praying for guidance, either.

But it helps.
karatofquality: (brooding by candle light)
It doesn’t matter how tired a Diamond is, how much a Diamond wishes he could stay in bed, refuse to acknowledge the world, and simply try again tomorrow, or maybe not. It doesn’t matter how much it hurts to think, or to breathe, or to try to sleep, or to eat. Nothing can ever be amiss.

A Diamond must always soldier on, faltering only in private when his poor example cannot be witnessed by anyone else. A Diamond must never let the mask of strength break where it can be seen.

When that Diamond is King, there’s No Breaking Allowed.
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